5 minutes of automated voice prompts and 5 minutes of being on hold later...
Me: Hi, I'd like to cancel all my Cox services please.
Elisa: Sure, I can help you with that. May I ask why you're discontinuing your relationship with us?
Me: We're moving into a new house and we'll be using Verizon FiOS for our provider.
Elisa: Oh, well, we're sorry to be losing you. Does Cox service that address as well?
Me: Yes, but I'm not interested. FiOS provides more HD channels, more movie channels, more sports channels, faster internet speeds, and more phone services for the same price as your bundle package.
Elisa: Well, actually, that's not true if you look at what we provide you today. They only have one pricing tier for HD service *blah blah blah sales pitch blah blah blah* and we provide a 12/5 internet connection.
Me: First off, I've never come anywhere close to those speeds and we're getting 20/20 with FiOS. Second, they offer the same number of channels as you do, but include Starz in their movies package, which you charge extra for. They currently have more HD channels than you do, and their numbering scheme makes sense - you just add 500 to the regular channel number. And like I said, for the same price, we're getting more.
Elisa: Well, if you add up all those extras to their bundle price, the savings disappear quickly!
Me: Listen, I already ordered everything, I know what it costs per month, and it's the same as what I'm paying you right now, but they provide more services for the same cost. Please stop trying to sell me on Cox and just disconnect my service.
Elisa: What if I upgrade you to our higher tier internet at no charge for 6 months?
Me: Just cancel my service please.
Elisa: Is there any way we can get you to stay? You're one of our most valued customers.
Me: Why? Because I pay you so much money every month? Just cancel my service please.
Elisa: Okay, but if you change your mind in the next week/month/year, let us know what Cox can do for you!
I know customer retention translates into bonuses for these people, but when I ask you to cancel my service, I shouldn't have to ask 5 times. Just do what I tell you and don't try to convince me that I'm getting screwed by another provider. It's petty and makes you sound desperate, especially when you're wrong.