Dichotomy...

Bad grammar will ultimately be the downfall of modern civilization. Planet of the Apes, apart from being a good movie despite starring Mr. NRA, was also prophetic. As our (homo sapiens) language eventually deteriorates into sentences that make no sense and become an amalgamation of acronyms and internet-friendly slang, the monkey and ape population will slowly evolve beyond our language capabilities and in time we will be unable to comprehend even the most rudimentary of ape ideas. They will act as equals to lull us into a false sense of security. Soon we will be herded into concentration camps and subjugated into slave labors to toil in their banana fields. Today's case in point: A letter from Liberty Mutual informaing me that because of my association with the GT Alumni Association, I could save money on my car insurance. Although I highly doubt it since I'm currently paying Progressive half of what Geico wanted for the exact same coverage, I decided to read it anyway. The opening sentence of said letter reads as follows: "Call now and see if you could save up to $327.96 or more a year." First of all, $327.96? Whose ass did they pull that out of? The fine print at the bottom says it's an based on an April 2004 sampling of policyholder savings when switching companies. A year old sampling of data, wow, that's awesome, especially since they mention that prices are going up, making that very same data essentially meaningless. The more worrisome thing is that I could save up to this imaginary amount, or more. Or more? Doesn't the "up to " preclude the possibility of "or more?" Doesn't the "or more" contradict the "up to?" I'm sorry sir, you can only save up to this amount. Oh, or maybe more than this. We don't really know. The whole sentence esentially makes no sense when you really read what's it's apparently saying. They should have just said "you might save money with us, maybe." I guess they assumed that attaching a number would make it seem more tangible. Instead I am probably twice as likely to just throw it away because being able to save up to a prescribed amount or more than the same prescribed amount just tells me that you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Now, before everyone gets up in arms about my own bad grammar (which there is generally a plethora of (including ending sentence fragments with prepositions)), let me say that I personally welcome the apocalypse of man and the dominion of our monkey masters. I am pleased to be able to speed the downfall of civilization as we know it. In fact, it's item #4 on my white board at work, right after "SSS/Display SRS, APB04 Integration PVTs, and Seawolf sensor config files." All hail eventual Emperor (Donkey) Kong!

Posted by Rev. Adam on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 at 9:21 PM | Permalink