Friday, February 28, 2003

Tonight's going to be one of those nights where I get in my car and just drive around with the windows open. With all the rain we've been having, the air is crisp and clear, and it's still reasonably warm. I want to go see someone. Not everyone, but just someone. No one in particular really. Tonight just feels like a one-on-one kind of night. And since it seems everyone I know is on the way out the door for spring break or already has plans tonight, looks like the night air is going to be my companion.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Adam's Lesson of the Day: staying up until 2:45 am on the phone makes being at work at 9 am very difficult. Especially when it results in me still being in my bed at 9:15... On the other hand, Skye is awesome and my job sucks, so I can't say that I'm particularly broken up about it. I mean, yeah, I was tired all day, but that's hardly a new development. Now if only she hadn't had to cancel our date tonight :(

shout out to Alcivar who finally got a job!!!! hooray and conratulations!

Monday, February 24, 2003

holy crap. i haven't played my bass in probably 6 months. fortunately, my nice strings were still almost perfectly in tune. unfortunately, my fingers are so weak and not callused anymore... God, I think I played maybe 30 minutes before my hand started cramping up and now my fingers are sore as hell. *sigh* I guess I'd better just get back into the habit of playign all the time until I get my strength back.

Skye rocks my world oh so very hard:
skyejax99 (1:24:04 AM): hey hot stuff have a nice day at work tommarow
Auto response from XchaosdawningX (1:24:04 AM): S to the L to the double E P. word.
skyejax99 (1:24:12 AM): hope you're thinkin of me
skyejax99 (1:24:13 AM): hehe
skyejax99 (1:24:17 AM): goodnight

Sunday, February 23, 2003

I wish Skye wasn't gone this weekend, I wanted to hang out... :( Not that I realyl have any room to complain since I was gone all last weekend having my wisdom teeth out. *sigh* oh well. I think this is the first time in my life I've actually wanted it to be Monday.

Stupid dirty next door neighbors having a stupid party at stupid 2 am with stupid crappy music playing on stupid subwoofers. The best part about the whole thing is that they managed to draw so much power that they knowcked out power to teh whole building. Not just their apartment. No, my apartment too. The only person who shoudl be capable to tripping a circuit breaker in my apartment is me. Not my next door neighbor. Who the fuck wired this place?? When they blew teh power out everyone started cheering. Except me who started swearing, pounding on walls, and kicking the hell out of the floor. Assholes.

Friday, February 21, 2003

in the near future I am planning to write an article with the tentative title of: Why Saddam is a Hero. Just some advanced warning so everyone can get all their anger ready for me. This is partially out of my need to be controverisal all the time and push people's buttons, but mostly it's because I'm tired of seeing people interviewed on TV who are protesting war with Iraq because "it's about oil." it's not about oil (at least not directly) and I will explain why in my article. Furthermore I will explain why Saddam is actually keeping the middle east from crumbling into chaos. It'll be posted on and I'll let you know when it's available.

you know what rocks? smoked turkey and swiss cheese slices rolled together. so very tasty.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

Holy shit... have you seen that new show on ABC?? That Are You Hot? show? I presume you're familiar with, this show is basically the same thing and they parade peopel out before judges like Lorezno Lamas and give them totally arbitrary scores based on their face, body, and sex appeal, then the 4 highest scores for men and for women get voted on by viewers and it's all in search of "America's Sexiest People." I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life. Best show ever.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

well, it's nice to be home again. even if it means i have to go to work again... boo! apparently it took jonathon 3 days to realize i hadn't been home. admittedly, i didn't tell him i was leaving, but when my doors stay shut for 3 days straight and no one sees me either i'm dead in my room or i've left for a while. he's certainly not the smartest cookie in the batch....

Monday, February 17, 2003

So my flight got cancelled again. On the plus side, at least I'm missing work ("I wouldn't say I've been missing it Bob.") but on teh down side, I'm running low on pain killers and can't get out to the drug store to get more. Oh well. So I'm on a flight tomorrow night instead and should be home by midnight and back at work on Wednesday. Unless somethign else goes wrong.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

The good news is that I'm feeling well enough to argue with my parents again. At least, I think that's good news... Jury's still out on that one I guess.

Saturday, February 15, 2003

"Warning: Vicodin may be habit forming" No shit... Why do you think I'm counting the seconds until it's been 4 hours so I can take another one...

Nothing like a good night's rest to make everything right with the world again... And i don't look completely like a chipmunk, which is a good sign.

Friday, February 14, 2003

good lord i'm in hell. where's my morphine?? what is this acietomenophine crap?? i want percoset!! at least my left side seems to ahve stopped bvleeding nearly completely. sadly the right side is still keeping up a nice steady drip. *sigh* well, at least I'm not at work.

so far so good. my mouth is bleeding a lot, but the novocaine is still in full effect. my entire lower jaw is totally numb. I want to drink some water, but I cna't keep it in my mouth because my lower lip and tongue aren't cooperating. fortunately, the bleeding seems to have slowed since i got home, so hopefully in a coupel hours it'll be more or less done and i can try to eat some tasty yogurt. mmm... yogurt :)

Thursday, February 13, 2003

And now I'm off to DC to have bone cut out of my jaw. Woohoo! All you Fairfax kids better come visit my parents' basement and keep me company so I'm not bored out of my mind. Although I am bringing my Gamecube... ;)

Jamie and Diana rock my world. Thanks for the candy, swim suit calendar, and VS catalog ladies. And Tim's cool too. Cause he picked out the "I Choo Choo Choose You!" candy box. Good call.

So I was thinking today... Why is February Black History Month? And why aren't Al Sharpton and Jesses Jackson up in arms about it? Cause really, black people are getting screwed on this deal. They get 28 days a year (29 every 4 years) where America as a whole celebrates their culture and heritage or whatever. The US gov't couldn't have sprung for April maybe? Give them a full 30 days? Why not July and give them 31? Everything's equal now my ass... Even when we celebrate black history, Whitey is trying to keep the black man down. I'm going to write my congressman. And ask him to throw some pork my direction so I won't go straight to the media with this little tidbit.

Here's to soul searching and whining all rolled into one...

CEF1243: ????
Auto response from XchaosdawningX: dammit.

???? is exaclty what i've been askign myself all day. you ever have one of those days where nothign goes right? i like to call them "Dammit" days. mostly because on days liek today dammit is every other word out of my mouth. you come home from work and just spend all evening sighing and wishing it was friday... or may... or you're driving north on 400 running errands for work and you begin ponderign teh physics involved in driving your car into a tree at 70 mph. what's the force exerted on my body adn woudl it be enough to kill me or woudl i survive to go back to work? or maybe just, how far will the gas in my car take me? How long will i be gone before anyone notices? Then, how much longer will it be before anyone I care about notices i'm gone? Cause I guarantee my boss woudl be callign my cell every 15 minutes starting at 9 am sharp. But how long until Caryn or Kristin or Tommy or Chris or Brian realizes i've completely dissapeared.
It's not that I want to die or even that I hate my boss. He's a nice guy as are all the people I work with. I just hate my job. It's not challenging or stimulating to me in any way. Waking up in the morning has never been a pleasant experience for me, but when I wake up and know I'm goign to work, i just want to roll over and go back to sleep for the next 2.5 months. So sure, my job is definitely the root of my problem, but here's the thing, it's not just my job, it's the fact that i feel that my life has no direction right now. I mean, I've got plans for the future, and I've even started planning what classes I want to take for summer and fall semesters. I've got a 3 year plan and I've got a vision of where I'm headed. But sitting at my desk staring into the void with the phone pressed to my ear so it looks like I'm working listening to the automated lady saying "You have no new messages. Press 6 to record and send a message" I have to wonder, what the fuck am i doing here? I hate corporate america, i hate wearing slacks, I hate shaving every day, I hate plumbing, I hate beign told to do one thign and as soon as I've done it ASAP I'm told not to do it at all b/c we need it this other way ASAP. I want out.
I recognize I'm in this weird funk right now. And it can't be completely because of my job. There's other stuff in my life to worry about. Its just that my job exaggerates all my other issues becasue I have to be there for the entire useful part of my day. And so it comes back to ???? What am I doing? Where am I going? Maybe I'll get in my car tomorrow and drive off to work. But instead of getting off at my exit, I'll drive spend all day driving aroudn 285 and not answerign my cell phone. Maybe I'll get on I-20 and go visit Tim's grandparents in Birmingham. Maybe I'll just keep driving. I'm sure Tim woudl appreciate teh company in Melbourne, and Nikki's only in Orlando. Katey's way out in Arizona, but I'll bet I my car could make it that far. I think Starign Back is done with their tour, maybe I'll go visit them in Goleta. You know, I've alwasy wanted to go back to Boston.
This weird funk is what causes me to do weird things liek this. In fact, it was about this time my freshman year of college... I was standign aroudn with Tim waiting for a show at the Echo Lounge. Snapcase I believe. And I got to thinking, I need to see Katey. So I did. I got in my car the next day and drove to Fairfax. So on Valentine's Day I was sitting on her doorstep when she came home from school. Not becasue I was in love with her, althoguh I may have thought so at the time, but because I needed to go. I can't really explain it. Cosmic forces, fate, who cares, call it whatever you want. I just knwo that I had an urge to go see Katey adn I did and when i came home from my little 1300 mile excursion, all was right with the world. I don't even knwo what's wrong with me this time. It's not like I've been writing a play where Katey plays the main character who i realize i love after her going away... This time it's not an emotional pull. I think it's more of an emotional void. Apathy if you will. I just don't care. I don't care abotu my job. I don't care about getting there on time. I don't care about being polite or doing bullshit work. Don't get me wrong, I'll hold teh door for you, or help you carry a heavy box, but I swear to god if you ask me to drive to duluth for no good god damned reason I'm goign to tell you to suck my cock. Everything is always so rush rush rush for no reason. you don't need it right now because the other parts won't beher euntiul next week. why shoudl i bust my ass to get parts overnighted so they can sit on my desk for 3 days? ???? indeed...
So here is where someone will have had enough of my complaining. Well, probably about 10 minutes ago actually. They'll say, "suck it up and get on with your life." or "no one likes their job. get over it." or simply "shut the hell up. stop whining." on one hand, these people are absolutely right. on the other hand, i don't think they understand the level on comtempt I currently have for my job as an entity. now, in all fairness to anyone I've talked to in teh last 3 weeks, I apologize. I realize that basically all I ever talk about is how much I hate my job. I'm sorry. You've all got things in your own life to worry about and you don't need to listen to me go on and on about how everyhtign about my job sucks. So here's the deal: it's not like I'm goign to quit my job and it's not liek my job is goign to magically get better tomorrow. So if I just drop off the face of the earth for a few days with no warning whatsoever (except this i suppose...), don't be too shocked. My cell phone has caller ID and you know I'll pick up if you're important to me. I'm not saying I'm defintiely goign anywhere or whatever, I just feel so empty and unfulfilled. There has to be something else out there or some way to give my days a purpose.
Maybe I just need more sunlight...
Maybe I just need more vitamins...
Maybe ???? is the answer and life is all backwards like jeopardy so that I'm really just looking for the right question.
Maybe I should shut the hell up and go to bed so I don't pass out at my desk tomorrow wondering what I'm doing here. Cause nothing is going to change between now any May when I get to go back to school. You have no idea how badly I want to have homework and tests again...
May as well get used to it.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Today was so terrible I don't even want to justify its existence with details of its suckitude.

Sunday, February 09, 2003

Hooray!!! We got Sci-Fi and Speed back!!! Now I don't have to pay out the ass for digital cable just so I can have those instead of Oxygen, WE, and Lifetime. Cause, you know, I watch those channels all the time... Thank god Comcast took over my cable!!

Stupid work... I wake up every weekend at 8:30 am like clockwork now. Then I roll over and go back to sleep adn can't seem to sleep past 11:30 no matter how hard I try.

Saturday, February 08, 2003

in reference to the immediately preceding post: mmmm.... ;)

Friday, February 07, 2003

holy crap...
i have a date tomorrow...
with a girl...
who's really hot...
life is funny somtimes.

Thursday, February 06, 2003

Why is it that today feels like Friday when yesterday only felt like Tuesday? Damnation.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

Mountain Dew should be renamed to Heart Attack Juice... And speaking of soda, Coke is putting up a Sprite ad on the entire south side of their world headquarters for the NBA All-Star game in Altanta. This thing is damned huge. I saw part of it being put up today. I'm sure it'll be on the news when its finished.

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

Can someone explain to me why I got a letter from Florida's ECE department asking me to consider them for graduate school? Why on earth would I go to a well respected top-of-the-heap engineering school for undergrad and then go to a respectable, although not exactly top tier school with an engineering program for graduate work? You're supposed to do it teh other way around. Not like it really matters though. My GPS is far too crappy to get into graduate school unless I aced the GRE. And really, what are the chances of that? Especially when I just want out fo this place right now. What's the chance of me graduatign and then wanting to stay here another 2-4 years? Somewhere in the neighborhood of zero. I just thought it was hilaroius that Florida of all places sent me a letter. And don't give me that "Victor told them to send it to you" crap.

Also, Skittles rule. Especially when I steal them from Jonathon.

Today has been a damn fine day. Possibly the most productive day I've had at work in 2 or 3 weeks. Everything I wanted to get done today got done, and now I'm even ahead of the game for tomorrow. Booyah. I finally got my sub box adjusted right where I want it and my car stereo sounds fantastic now. I got my new 'desk chair' cleaned up and I'm sitting in it right now. It'll take a little getting used to after my last chair, but this oen has way more lumbar support, so if only I would stop slouching all the time my back would be completely fixed in a matter of days! Sadly, the arrival of my new recliner (from the dumpster) means that my old green easy chair is finally going away. It's sad really, becasue that chair is older than I am. When my parents brought my home from the hospital after I was born, they used to rock me to sleep in that chair. Hell, I rocked myself to sleep as recently as last week. Of course, there's a lot less padding than there used to be and only 1 of the 4 springs is still intact, but it was still damned comfortable for a 22 year old chair. Goodbye old friend. Fortunately, my 'new' chair is a welcome addition to what it now a 5.1 soudn system and 20" monitor. Mmmm, feel the goodness.

How many people do you know who would consider this a compliment: "I need you like I need a hole in my head." And not just a compliment but possibly the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to them. Well, you know me, so that's at least one... Let me explain. So I met this girl yesterday who lives in Marietta (suburb of Atlanta) and she looks familiar enough that I think we've bumped into each other at a show or something. So we're talking and she was saying how she needed to run down to Little Five today to pick up some new jewelry for her septum piercing. So naturally the conversation turns to piercing-related things and before long she's told me she needs me like a hole in her head, which considering she has several holes in her head already has got to be the most flattering thing anyone has ever said to me. So not only is she really cute, but she's witty too. Yea!

Oh, and my 5.1 surround speakers finally showed up yesterday no thanks to worthelss Fedex. Last time I checked, yesterday wasn't Feb 1...

Last night's rain storm was insane. I still had my bedroom window open because I like sleeping with fresh air. And my doors kept blowing open because of the rapid changes in pressure in my room from the wind of the storm. So finally I got out of bed and crammed my doorstop under the door which i thoguth woudl fix the problem. Except that instead of blowing open, nwo they just started banging violently against the doorjamb whenever the wind came in. I tried to cram teh doorstop farther under the door but I quickly realized this was useless. So then I had teh brilliant idea to use my socks. Yes, my socks. I hung them over the top of the door so that when teh door was banging agains tthe frame, teh socks woudl absorb teh shock and muffle teh sound. That seemed to work pretty well combined with teh doorstop, so I finally fell fast asleep aroudn 3:30 am. Yuck. And I was sleeping so well that man oh man was I angry when my alarm clock went off this morning. Stupid morning.

Monday, February 03, 2003

My next door neighbors rock. I got a new recliner, a 5-drawer dresser, and a video cabinet. The dresser is a little scratched up on one side, but that side could go against a wall. woohoo free stuff! Sadly, there was a wrought iron table that was really nice. It needed a new glass top, and we were going to pick it up when we went back for the recliner, but some other garbage pirate like myself swooped in and took it whiel we were carrying the dresser up the stairs. bastards!! oh well. at least I got a bunch of good stuff.

Sunday, February 02, 2003

Does anyone remember that ridiculous phase I went through where I tried to get everyone to call me by my middle name? What the fuck was I thinking?? Why didn't anyone tell me how retarded I was?? Oh man, reading old shit makes me realize how stupid I was in high school. And I was one of the smart ones!

does anyone else think its ridiculous that it was warmer and clearer in Atlanta today than it will be tomorrow in Cancun??

Here's to digging up the past... *clink* *sniffle*
Every time I root through my old letters I feel like it's time to throw them all away and move on with my life. I mean, it's not like I sit in my room and obsess about what people wrote 5 years ago, it's just that all the people who wrote those notes and letters were (and for the most part, still are) a very big part fo my life. Each of those pieces of paper covered in ink (and sometimes graphite) are reminders of the way things used to be. Reminders of happier times and sadder times. Reminders of hope, despair, anger, love, lust, and jealousy. The events that shaped who I am today are all reflected in soft feminine script. In contrast to my own meathook-hand scribbles, the handwriting is practically a work of art.
As I sat on my bed and sifted through the Forevers and Always, I was reminded of how silly love letters can be sometimes. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've written my share of ridiculous affection-infused psycho-babble. I'm just saying that reflecting on the time it was written, there was no real forethought. I know at the time the feelings were genuine, but it just seems sort of laughable now. The ones that really affect me though are the ones that have nothing to do with Forever or Always. The ones about Now and For As Long.
It's interesting too to flip through the stacks of 8.5 x 11 and realize how quickly you can not only tell who wrote the letter just by the script, but in fact what the mood was based on the slant and the closeness of the words. Makes me think I could have been a forensic detective of some sort. For example, the letters where Melissa is mad at me are often bigger writing that's way more spaced out because she wrote them whiel she was still angry and jsut wrote what came to mind. In contrast, some of Courtney's letters that I know for a fact she rewrote several times are very small characters very closesly spaced because it was planned out. The other big name represented in my stack of letters is Caryn. In fact I would hazard a guess that 75% of my box of words contains papers signed Caryn, Melissa, and Courtney with probably half of that being Melissa.
History is weird sometimes. Things you haven't thought about in 2-3 or maybe 7-8 years are suddenly the most important image in your brain for a full minute. Reliving the past is a scary experience. But I gotta say, I wouldn't change a thing given the chance. Mostly because I'm content reliving my memories every 2 or 3 years through the writing of my friends and I would never want to actually be in high school again.
Thanks to my all friends who felt I was important enough to write to and I'm sorry for all the times I never wrote back. So once again, here's to digging up the past!

Nothing says "It's Sunday!!" like throwing your window open to the beautiful 75 degree early afternoon and cranking Poison while cleaning your bedroom. I wish it was actually spring. Stupid groundhog.

Fedex blows. Why is my package in Norcross when it was in Atlanta on friday?? And why was it supposed to be delivered yesterday when I still don't have it because it's in goddamned Norcross. *sigh* Fedex used to be my one reliable carrier too.

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  • I'm Rev. Adam
  • From Oakton, Virginia, United States
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