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Dave and I had the best idea at lunch. Next time the war machine needs to be deployed for no good reason and it can't muster enough recruits and there's no reserves left because of how disgracefully mistreated they've been by the current administration, I have the solution!

ATTENTION PATRIOTIC AMERICANS: We've just confirmed reports that NASCAR has been kidnapped by (North Korea/Libya/Iran/Syria/Cuba). They've stolen all the drivers and cars and are threatening to blow up the race tracks. Do not attempt to verify this information yourself. Report to your local army recruiting depot immediately if you want to help preserve Dale Earnhardt's legacy.

I promise you that the legion of redneck NASCAR fans would have overrun the country in question by nightfall. When they failed to find the supposedly kidnapped "sport," and actually witnessed it being broadcast via satellite at the royal palace, we'd just tell them that it was a rebroadcast without expressed written consent, and they'd have the place razed and ready for shopping malls in no time. Then we'll just tell them the culripts fled to wherever else we don't like that day and *dusts off hands* mission accomplished! Then you promise them free beer and 24/7 satellite feeds for NASCAR, as long as they agree to never set foot on American soil again. Send them to live in Australia or something. That way, everyone's a winner! The US gets to depose the leader(s) of any country or countries it chooses, Australia gets a new revenue source, fans get a new home, and I get to be rid of NASCAR. =)

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  • I'm Rev. Adam
  • From Oakton, Virginia, United States
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