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"Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!"
-Austin Danger Powers

First, someone throws a shoe at (now former) President Bush in Iraq, now we're throwing shoes at the Chinese envoy in the UK? What is this world coming to? Is just yelling at people or making signs not protesty enough? Or what happened to the classic rock-throwing? Throwing a shoe means you came unprepared to protest properly. Do your homework! Bring necessary supplies! I swear, if I have to start surrendering my shoes to get on a plane or attend a lecture, I'm going to be super pissed. It's bad enough I have to walk through a metal detector to enter places like World of Coke. You're ruining it for everyone! If you have to improvise a throwing object, why not throw a chair or a cell phone or your wallet. I mean, they're going to catch you regardless of what you throw anyway, you might as well be able to attempt running away so everyone else can get some amusement out of security guards tackling you. LEAVE YOUR SHOES ON YOUR FEET WHERE THEY BELONG!
If I ever speak in a public forum, here's my solution - if you want to attend, you have to do so naked and you have to pass through an x-ray machine so we can catch all those sword swallowers. Then you have to take a horse laxative and a desiccant and a diuretic, then be placed in a holding area for several hours until they've all run their course. This is to ensure that you can't throw feces like monkeys, urinate, or spit. You won't be allowed anything to eat or drink for 24 hours before the talk, during it, or until 1 hour after I have departed the site. Additionally, one hour before the scheduled start time, you will be given an elephant tranquilizer. Finally, I will give my talk from within the pope-mobile. Happy now?

About me

  • I'm Rev. Adam
  • From Oakton, Virginia, United States
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