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Because Haloscan won't let me use standard HTML tags in comments for this post, I'm posting my comments here. Tommy posited that Friendship cannot be quantified, but according to R. Stevens' assertions, it can, in fact, be defined as follows:

Friends = [logLonely(Boring * Time)]-1

More interestingly, because everyone knows time is money, Money can be defined as follows:

Money = {-Drama ± [Drama2 + 4*(Lonely)1/Friends]1/2}/2

Also, in an unrelated mathematical equation:

Adam = Nerd

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